What did you just tell me?

It turns out that life handing me lemons was going to be just the beginning of my problems. I was going to have to learn to like lemonade A LOT, really fast!

My “influenza” turned into an endocrine evaluation nightmare. I had been fast-tracked into a specialist because they thought that based on my symptoms, that I had a rare cancer syndrome. So we were doing tests before we even saw the specialist. It doesn’t matter what you do for a living. Anytime you hear “cancer,” your heart drops to the floor. 

I went in for the battery of tests after the “we think you have cancer” phone call. That was officially one of the most emotional days that I have had on this journey. Tears rolled down my face on the drive in. It didn’t matter how hard I was trying to hold them back and be courageous. When I got to the hospital the tears let loose. It was good that I already knew all the staff because they hugged me and held me like I was their family. All I could think was, “what did you just tell me?”

After the tests, I went up to the hospice office…tears and all, and collapsed onto the floor. They surrounded me and told me that no matter what happened, I had a lot of people who were going to be by my side. They told me that I couldn’t be alone that day and made sure my hubby was headed home before they let me leave.. 

Up until then, I thought I was invincible and could handle anything. But I wasn’t. It turned out that I was human just like everyone else and I also had emotions that had to be let out. Coping was a skill that was going to turn into my survival mechanism.


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