This has been a week of reflection and of learning listening skills. Different listening skills than the ones we already have, but honing in on those as well. How often do you really listen to what your body needs? I mean REALLY listen?
After two separate hospitalizations this month, one including a surgery and the other coming too close with my body not liking breathing as on option for living, it’s time to focus on just that. My body. With May on track to also be a busy hospital stay month, my body is desperate for some loving (no, not that kind). On Tuesday, I get admitted for my first round of neurologic dosing for IVIg.
I just realized this morning that I’ve been in my pajamas for the last two days. It isn’t because I’m depressed or anything. It’s because I’m absolutely exhausted. Every time I sit down on the couch, I fall asleep and not just for an hour or two. Yesterday I sat down mid-morning and woke up today.
My body has no reserves at all right now. So I’m learning to listen. While my brain has lots of things to work on, my body has one. That is rest. The body wins. The one thing that I haven’t done for the last four years is to sleep and now it’s happening.
Maybe there was a shift in the universe. Maybe with migraines and occipital pain at bay, I can actually listen to what has been held under water or drown out by the other ‘noise’. Maybe I wasn’t as good at listening to my body as I thought I was. I was paying attention to the signs and symptoms but not listening. Watching is completely different than listening.
There is a swarm of physical and emotional exhaustion right now. I’ve had to wave the white flag of surrender and admit defeat. I was pushing myself so hard that I had never stopped to pay attention to what this body already couldn’t do. Pushing these bodies of ours past the limits isn’t a good idea, especially when they are in fragile condition.
Don’t forgot that while our minds may be set on something, our body has the final say. It tells up what we can and cannot physically do. These listening skills are a lot harder than anyone gives them credit for.
Have you listened to your body lately?